Editor: The New Pledge: Following recent events, kids across the country may be learning something new.
“It was strange at first, but I got used to it quickly,” explains a Senator from Arkansas. “I am confident that our children will adapt just as quickly as we [Senators] did.”
“After all, it does make my job so much easier,” said one Senator from South Carolina.
“Most people don’t know it has been changed several times since its inception,” explains Senate Majority Leader. “With this new revision, we believe we have finally captured the direction in which the country is heading. We believe that we have finally got it right.”
“As a country, we need to be able to act faster. We tend to get bogged down in frivolous debates amongst ourselves. We get bogged down in needless bureaucracy. This way, we are getting rid of a lot of red tape. We can finally get stuff done,” commented one Senator who was frustrated with the process in Washington.
“As far as the Constitution itself is concerned, there are no immediate changes to be expected. Most of the same rights that we have had for the past two and a half centuries will remain in place. This is a great moment for America. We can finally call ourselves the UNITED States of America.”
As another GOP senator noted: “In practical terms, this is momentous. It is very difficult to get all one hundred of us senators together. We are very busy people. Getting the entire lower house together is also difficult. And, even when we do get together, having everyone agree on something is becoming basically impossible. With this very simple change, we have solved these problems once and for all. We will no longer waste taxpayers money trying to decide what is right and wrong. Someone will decide that for us.”
“That is what is great about this President,” explains a Senator from Georgia. “He has very SIMPLE IDEAS (emphasis made by the Senator) that make our lives as Americans so much easier.”
One of the proposed changes that did not make the final draft was substituting Jesus for God. “Adding God to the pledge in the last revision in 1954 was a great step for the country,” explained one Senator.
“Even though we believe that Jesus better represents who we are as a nation,” he continued, “we decided that as long as someone fears a God of some kind, then we can work with him/her. We were hopeful that Jesus would make the final cut but we understand that there are other Gods out there,” he concluded.
The final changes were voted after three years of hard work and after several revisions. Said one GOP Senator: “We really wanted to make only a few essential changes. After all, we didn’t think that the system we had was terrible. We just wanted to make it better. We are comfortable that we achieved our goal.”
Perhaps the most significant change was adding the last two words: WHO PLEDGE. These two words might appear simply added on for good measure but they really get the ultimate message across.
“Their simplicity is what makes them so beautiful and powerful. After all, I think everyone in the country agrees that if you can’t pledge your allegiance to the President, you shouldn’t be in this country,” insisted one Senator from Texas, who gets the credit for the addition.
“I learned that lesson the hard way,” the Senator added.
After an historic vote on November 3, 2020, the Senate voted to amend the text as follows:
“I pledge allegiance to the PRESIDENT of the United States of America, and to the IDEAS for which HE stands, one Nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all WHO PLEDGE.”
Stephen Moskal, Hillsboro